Carrots and Sweet Rolls
by KKeeper808
Summary: Cicero is on... A DIET! And Shadowmere... is STEALING CARROTS? WHAT IS THIS ANARCHY AND HOW WILL HAININ GET THROUGH IT? By pretending of course. That's how he gets through everything.


**HAH! **

**I have returned!**

**For... Like... A day! Woo Hoo! **

**But I swear, when I have time, I will be uploading like, three stories a day!**

**(I'm really bad at lying)**

**ANYWAY this is the first Hainin thing I'm doing. Kind of sucks, cause I pushed it out in like 30 minutes, but hey, it's a thing! Enjoy it!**

* * *

"I stick my knife into his belly, and out comes a liquid red as jelly!" Cicero sings as he plunges his ebony blade into the stomach of bandit who had decided it would be a good idea to attack the two Dark Brotherhood members. Hainin laughs from where he was leaning against a tree when the bandit falls to the ground, dead of course.

"That was a very nice song, Ciss."

Cicero bounds over the dead body and prances over to the Listener with a smile on his face. "Can Cicero have a carrot? Loyal Cicero has done everything the Listener has asked of him!"

"Sure buddy. I'll give you a carrot if I have one. Let me look," Hainin replies, pulling his backpack off and opening it. He rummages around for a few seconds, tongue sticking out of his mouth, and then he lets out a little noise of accomplishment and pulls out a pure orange carrot. Cicero's own tongue comes out, his eyes wide as he reaches for the vegetable.

Which is plucked from Hainin's fingertips by a large mouth before the jester's own fingers can touch it.

"Shadowmere! That carrot was for Cicero!" Hainin scolds his black horse, who was trotting away, munching on the carrot. Hainin sighs and glances at the jester, who was watching the horse with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

"That was my carrot!"

"I know, Ciss. C'mon, let's go to Falkreath and get you one from the general good's store there." The Dark Brotherhood assassin grabs Cicero's arm and pulls him over to Shadowmere, who allows Hainin to climb onto his back. Cicero merely glares up at the saddle before crossing his arms.

"The smelly beast took Cicero's carrot. I refuse to get onto its back."

Hainin sighs and looks down at the male. "Cicero, do you want a carrot?"

"The horse will just take it again!" Cicero exclaims, waving his arms.

"I promise that I won't let Shadowmere eat it, okay? Get on the horse," Hainin commands.

Cicero shakes his head and sits down in the grass with a humph. The Imperial on horseback rolls his eyes and slides off of the black steed, who nickers quietly at the jester. Cicero sticks his tongue out at the horse before turning away from them both.

Hainin sits down beside him and crosses his legs, grimacing at this new position. "How in the name of Sithis do you sit like this all the time?" Cicero doesn't respond, putting his chin in his hand, elbow resting on his knee. Hainin looks at him sideways before reaching for his pack and searching around inside it. Cicero's eyebrow raises at the sound and he shoots a glance at the Listener before looking away immediately.

Hainin grins when he finds what he had been looking for and pulls out a small package wrapped in parchment. "I think you'll find that what's in here is better than a carrot," he comments, holding the package out to the man sitting beside him.

Cicero looks sideways at the package for a moment, before curiosity gets the better of him and he takes the small thing. With a nod of permission from Hainin, Cicero slowly unwraps the parchment, his eyes widening at what he finds inside.

A sweet roll, perfectly fluffed and frosted. His mouth waters at the sight of it, but then he flinches. "Cicero can't eat this," he says quietly, causing the Imperial next to him to raise an eyebrow.

"And why not?"

"Cicero is on a diet. No sweets whatsoever," the jester responds, pushing the sweet roll towards Hainin, who looks down at it bleakly before looking back at Cicero.

"Are you kidding me? I picked this up in Dawnstar just for you, Ciss! You need to eat it."

"Cicero cannot, Listener. That would be breaking the code Cicero has set for himself," the fool replies simply.

"But Cicero, you need to eat the sweet roll. You're hurting my feelings by not eating it," Hainin tells him glumly, looking down at the treat that sat perfectly on the small square of parchment it had been wrapped in. Cicero follows his line of sight but looks away from the snack immediately, his belly rumbling loudly.

"As much as Cicero wishes to please his Listener, and his belly, Cicero must think of his body first. How can Cicero dance if he is fat?"

To this, Hainin doesn't answer, but sits thinking for a moment, until his mind snaps up an idea. Shrugging, he reaches to grab the sweet roll, Cicero's eyes drifting past his hand to the treat. "Whatever you say, pal. If you want to waste this perfectly good source of energy, I'll eat it. And then my dancing skills will be better than yours."

"Sweet rolls will give Cicero energy to dance?" the fool questions, his eyes never leaving the small frosted delicacy. Hainin nods, pulling the treat closer to his lips.

"That's right. More energy than you have ever had before. But, if you don't want it, then I guess I'll eat it." He opens his mouth to put the sweet roll in whole, but it's snatched from his hand by the jester, who hurriedly pushes the cake into his mouth and chews furiously, swallowing only after a few seconds.

The two assassins sit in silence for a moment, until Cicero burps and pats his stomach. "Thank you, dear Listener, for supplying Cicero with that snack."

Hainin shakes his head and stands, Cicero springing to his feet beside him. "It's alright, Ciss. Think of it as compensation for the lost carrot."

Cicero glares at Shadowmere a moment as the memory returns, but then grins before bounding over to the black horse and patting his neck. "Compensation accepted, horse of night!"

Shadowmere whinnies and nudges Cicero with his nose. Hainin climbs up into the saddle and holds out his hand for the jester to grab, which he does, and the Listener pulls him onto the horse behind him. "Now how about that carrot, mmm?"

* * *

**I deed eet! Yee!**

**I'm gonna go hit myself over the head with a plate now. **

**Bee!**

**BUZZ**


End file.
